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Tag Archives: Day 31

Today, I talked to Pluto.

Yes, I was still scared. I was afraid she would be mad at me for the whole David thing, but I don’t think mad would be the word to describe the feeling I got. Disappointed would be a better word. She also understands that I’m still young, and have to make mistakes in order to learn anything. Of course… That seems to be the only way I learn, it seems.

I also said thank you. I think she was a little surprised. But… I can’t imagine many people saying thank you for what she does. I don’t think she expects it though. Just like we, the Hellions, don’t expect it. We’re doing something that has to be done, and we’re just about the only one’s who can do it. I wasn’t expecting Cj’s bizarre thank you in the form of motorcycle parts. I did what I did because I think I was the only one she trusted enough to do it… Or wasn’t aware that Alex could probably have done it better than I could. But… It felt kind of nice, in a way, even though she and I don’t get along very well.

But, the most important thing that came out of all of this was the topic was the one I was most hesitant to even bring up. As I’ve mentioned before, I want to have a relationship with her, I just… wasn’t sure if it was even appropriate. I mean, I could be reminding her of things she doesn’t want to remember, or just isn’t interested at all. But, as I’ve learned, you can’t know unless you try.

So I did. I asked her if there was any remote chance that we could have some sort of relationship, whether it was just her as my mentor of sorts, or an actual ‘Hey-we’re-related-by-blood-and-I-not-only-acknowledge-that-but-want-to-actually-get-to-know-you,’ type deal. Those weren’t my exact words, and there was probably a hell of a lot of stuttering, something I haven’t done since I was seven, but you get the idea.

Of course, after the chat I had with my mother almost a month before hand, I wasn’t expecting the warm answer I got. Part of me was almost expecting her to push me away, to tell me that I wasn’t worth it. But then again, that doesn’t seem to be her style. She seems to be more the type to just decline politely. That wasn’t the case here.

She didn’t hug me, which I expected, because the hyper emotional state she was in the last time I saw her doesn’t seem to be her norm, but her eyes lit up in a way that reassured me I hadn’t asked the wrong question. There was a distinct lack of questions along the lines of ‘Are you sure this is what you want?’ I get the feeling she knew that I wouldn’t have brought it up if I wasn’t sure. There was one thing she said that surprised me though. She mentioned it as I was telling her how long I was planning on staying in Tokyo, which originally was only going to be a day or so, but is now looking like a week or so.

“Before you make any final plans, I want to make sure you know something.”

I was only a little confused, but nodded, and let her continue.

“There are many people out there, who, if they found out the connection between you and I, would likely try to use you against me.”

“I know. I figured this would be a kind of quiet thing, not something I tell everyone… Just those who need to know.”

She nodded. “Choose who you tell carefully.”

I nodded in response. Right now, everyone who needs to know, knows. I figure I’ll keep it that way, unless something happens to change that.

I was offered a guest room at Tokyo X, and took it. Mostly because I feel comfortable here. I haven’t really interacted with anyone, but Tokyo is intimidating, to say the least. There’s so many people, it feels like you could loose yourself. Not so much here. It’s much less crowded, and much more quiet. Quiet is what I’m getting used to. It gives me time to think, reflect, and occasionally, find out something about myself I didn’t know before.

Maybe I’ll find out some new things about myself, maybe not. We’ll see.