Day 82: Closer to the Edge

Well, Sten knows more than I thought. Which was pleasantly surprising, as he was rather receptive to the fact that I’m one of Emma’s pupils. And he respects her as both a woman, and a headmistress. The others had no clue what I was talking about, but Sten’s enthusiasm was encouragement enough for them. And I’m happy that they’re coming. Hopefully, Emma will approve of them.

I’ve decided to hold off on talking to Will. After all that’s happened recently, I need to take a step back and stop throwing myself into the wringer, emotionally. I need time to figure out what my feelings are for Alistair, and to reflect on everything I’ve done while on break. And I haven’t taken care of my most valuable asset.

Me.

My body has gone through a lot of changes, and I haven’t had time to really get used to them. I’m tall now, getting close to six feet, and I have boobs and hips and… I look more like a woman than I did when I left. I’m still raw, emotionally, from killing that man. I need time to let those wounds heal. But I know that the others will be there for me if I need them, and that’s all I can ask of them.

But, at the same time, I’ve never felt more alive. I may be wearing clothes that are obviously too big for me, but I’ve never felt more beautiful. And I know what I’m capable of. I know who I want to be. What my goals are. Who I am at this moment. And this… This feels good. I’m leaving behind all of the anger and pain that I felt from the years of neglect at my mothers hand, and I’m trading it for my happiness. For my wants and desires. I have to in order to keep the things and people I love safe.

Once we were near an airport, I called Owen to get plane tickets. We’re making a quick stop at the Grand Canyon, and then in Detroit, so I can pick up my bike. We’ll be driving from there, but it’s less than a days trip, so I’m not too worried. After that, I’ll get in contact with David, and see how he and Rosie are doing. Then I’ll talk to Emma about bringing them to the White Tower. I have no clue how that will go over, but I have to try.

Someday, I’ll look back at this, and I’ll be able to see what I learned. For now, it serves as a reminder that even I am capable of changing, as stubborn as I am.

Now, it’s time to head home.

“I will never forget
NO NO
I will never regret
NO NO
I WILL LIVE MY LIFE
NO NO NO NO
I will never forget
NO NO
I will never regret
NO NO
I WILL LIVE MY LIFE “

Day 80: Night of the Hunter

After what just happened, I’m surprised we’re all still alive. Nothing was what I had expected, even after the Hellion’s dealings with both NERV and Cerberus.

Their fortress, located in the heart of the Northwest Territory, was incredibly well armed. Apparently they were expecting us. Not surprising, considering we had to rent some ATV’s to get there. Oh, and did you know it’s seriously cold here… In September, which I guess makes sense.

Anyway, we got there, and had to fight our way in. I left all of the punching and slashing to Sten, Leliana and Alistair. I drill bitted a few people, but did my best to stay out of combat, since now do I not only not have any armor, but I don’t fit in Leliana’s clothes. I’m too tall. So I’ve resorted to wearing Alistair’s. They don’t fit very well, but they’ll have to do. But, I stayed out of the way of Sten and Alistair, and eventually, we made it to the center of the compound.

Now, this is what really caught me off guard. I thought that their leader was something simple, like a mutant who’s X Gene had changed their appearance in some way. I was dead wrong. It was an 80ft mechanical dragon, who they called the Archdemon. The Archdemon was controlled by an incredibly charismatic and angry AI. I don’t claim to understand it at all, but that’s what it was. And, as the statistics state, the AI wanted people dead. It was, however, picky. It only wanted mutants dead, and utilizing some sort of device, could find out if you were one or not by just pointing it at someone.

Well, since we’d been slaying his followers, he wasn’t too happy that we were there… So there was no real chance at negotiating. Didn’t bother me any, as I don’t like AI’s… With the exception of the Red Queen. Since he was cheating and using the Archdemon to attack us, I bunkered down somewhere safe-ish, and tried to hack it. That didn’t go over too well, and I’m just now getting Monster to function normal-ish… Which tells me that I need to work on his software.

Since that didn’t work, I poked my head out to analyze the situation. Alistair and Sten were getting batted around like fly’s, and Wynne was doing her best to keep them on their feet, but at this point, those three weren’t lasting long. Leliana had bunkered down behind a large chunk of the building that had gotten knocked down, and was firing as rapidly as she could at the thing, but they weren’t really doing much.

Just as I was getting ready to make my move, which was go to the main computer and disable it from there, Alistair got knocked into a wall, and stopped moving. I do believe I saw red, and in the blink of an eye, I was across the room. The Archdemon was getting in position to make it’s final blow on him. I couldn’t let that happen, so I grabbed Alistair’s sword to make a last ditch attempt at protecting him, despite the fact I have no clue how to use a sword properly.

The blade made contact with it’s foot, and that’s when I learned it was made a lot like C.J. is. It bleeds, even though it’s not real. And, if all the tales about Dragons are true, the weakest part of their body would be the belly. But that wouldn’t kill it, because it’s mechanical.

So I went for the inside of the mouth instead. It was quite interesting how I managed this, as I wasn’t aware that I could do this at the time, but I certainly didn’t waste it when it happened. I waited until it’s head was low to the ground, covered as much ground as I could as fast as I could, then hit the speed zone like it was second nature to me. Everything froze, I went in, and shoved that sword into the top of it’s mouth as hard as could. At first, I didn’t think it was going to go in, but then I heard a pop, a sizzle, and the thing stopped moving. After all, the head is the most logical place to keep the motherboard and control chips, and no one would think to make the inside of the mouth as overly defended as the rest of the body. Only I’m stupid enough to try something like that.

Of course, after it stopped moving, it started to collapse. I couldn’t get the sword out, so I leapt out of it’s mouth and got as far away from it as I could before it could squash me. Alistair was just coming to, and vaguely I remember hearing him say something along the lines of, “We won…? When did that happen…?” While watching Sten pry the sword out of the now dead Archdemon’s mouth. I feel bad for ruining a beautiful piece of machinery like that… But it was either that or die. And I’m still not ready to die yet.

After Wynne fixed Alistair up as best she could, I grabbed Monster from his hiding place, and we made our way out, which wasn’t much easier than getting in. The whole place was in a panic, and whenever we were spotted, we were attacked. I’m just glad none of us died getting out. I’m still surprised we all made it out alive though, because as soon as we were out, and not very far away, the entire place exploded.

Hopefully, this is the end of this, and I can start heading home. Along with these four, if they’re interested. I plan on talking to them in a little while, after we’ve all had something to eat, and Wynne finishes patching Alistair up. He’s battered, and Wynne says it’ll take a few days for her to finish healing him. He has a few broken ribs, and a broken arm, but other than that, she’s taken care of the worst of his injuries. I’m just tired… But I want to ask them before we head out again, so I know if I’m going home alone or not.

Day 76: This is War

I’ve done it! I somehow, through extreme talent, managed to find where the bulk of the members of the Night Horde happen to take up residence.

Unfortunately, it means a long ass flight to Canada. Poor Canadian’s. Luckily, we’ll be a bit closer to home. After this, I plan on visiting David… He’s probably had a coronary or something, since I haven’t even called once in the month and a half I’ve been away… Then again, he should be getting used to this.

Anyway, plan of action is as follows: Infiltrate, take out the leadership, whatever it may be, clean up the stragglers, then leave. Pretty simple, as we really don’t know what we’re walking into. I couldn’t find much else, like schematics and what not, so it’ll be interesting, to say the least.

Not much else to say. I know we can do this, no matter how simple the plan.

Day 72: Alibi

Today was horrible.

It started off normal enough. Woke up early, like normal, and was zombie like until I crammed a Twinkie in my mouth, like normal. Ate breakfast with the others. Laughed at Alistair as he managed to get syrup in his hair… Again. He does this everyday, by the way.

After that we packed up our stuff and headed out. We only have the rental car for one more day, and it was my turn to drive. Instead of side roads and outskirts though, I had to take the freeway, since we had to turn the car in. We made it to Nagoya without much trouble. Traffic was the only thing that slowed us down.

Once we were in Nagoya, we turned the car in, and wandered around for a while, since we weren’t really in any hurry, and there was plenty of daylight left. We went and saw the Nagoya TV Tower, which was interesting, because you can see for miles from the observation decks. I think it was worth the admission fee, which was about 600 yen for me and Alistair, and 750 yen for Leliana, Sten and Wynne. This was uneventful as well.

Eventually it started to get dark, and we started looking around for another cheapish motel. At this point, I was considering calling Owen for a decent hotel room, but I resisted. We did end up finding something decent, but not before something really, REALLY bad happened.

We’ve been avoiding dark alley’s and what not for a reason. It’s too easy to be attacked and nobody would notice. Staying in the open, on busy streets, no going out during the night, (With the exception of the time we went to the club) and no going out on your own. All of that had kept us safe so far. Unfortunately, Nagoya is fairly crowded, and we somehow managed to get separated. I tried my best to stay put until someone found me, but after what felt like forever, I decided to look on my own.

Bad idea. I should have just stayed put.

Somehow, I found myself in the last place I wanted to be. In front of a dark alley, which is just as bad as being in one. Knowing this was bad, I started walking to get away from it, and someone grabbed me from behind.  My knee-jerk reaction was to go for the balls, and it did work. However, it only took the guy a moment to recover, and just as quickly, he’s pulling out a knife.

As I’ve said before, these Night Horde guys are crazy.

I don’t remember the next few moments, except a brief flashback to the fight that nearly ended with Wesker slitting my throat, me grabbing the first thing I could that was swing-able, (I can only imagine what would have happened if I’d tried to Drillbit him and failed) whacking him hard enough to make him drop the knife, grabbing the dropped knife…

And then it all goes kind of black for a moment.

I don’t know what really happened. He could have hit me in the head, but I would have seen stars. Maybe it was just the Adrenaline that constantly flows through me hitting a new high point. Doesn’t matter. The next thing I remember clearly is staring down at the guy. The knife is still in my hand. The guy’s bleeding from his stomach, and it looks really bad.

I’m not sure how long the entire thing took, but seconds after I came to, Alistair and Wynne show up. They both realized quickly what had happened, and Wynne, at my insistence, tried to fix the guy up… but it was too late for him.

I still feel… weird. I mean, it was either an accident or self defense… but… I did something I never thought I’d do. And Alistair, of all people, has been incredibly patient with me. Normally he would crack a joke or make some sort of sarcastic remark, but this time he didn’t. He offered up a shoulder if I needed somewhere to cry, and I took it. I don’t remember the last time I’d cried, but it must have been a while, because once I started, I found it hard to stop.

Not once did he say anything rude or sarcastic. He was just… there. And it was nice. There was a moment, when I was pretty much done crying, where it was quiet. I felt him put something around my neck. I was confused, until I looked down. It was this necklace that he always wears, made of some sort of silver colored metal and shaped like a griffon, with this blood colored stone in the middle.

“Why-” I started to say, but he interrupted me.

“With that, I’ll be able to find you. So you won’t ever have to do that again,” He replied, smiling slightly. “Or, not alone, anyway. I prefer your smile over tears.”

I think my brain stopped again, because I couldn’t really think or say anything. After a moment more, he moved toward his bag to get a clean shirt, with that same little smile on his face.

There’s something about that smile… I don’t know what, but it makes me feel… fuzzy. It’s been a while for that as well. Bryan wasn’t fuzzy… it was just… I don’t know how to describe it, but it wasn’t fuzzy.

I think I like Alistair. And not like Bryan. Not like Will. Not like any of the guys I’ve ever dated.

This is getting complicated.

Day 62: Angels Thanatos

I’ve pretty much figured out who these Night Horde guys are. Basically, they believe in the really, really, really, REALLY old ways. I’m talking Ancient Greek here. It’s called Orphism. Normally, they worshiped Greek figures like Persephone, Orpheus, who the religion is named after, and Bacchus. They were peculiar in the way that they thought all human souls were divine and immortal, but doomed to “live” in a “grievous circle” of successive bodily lives through metempsychosis or the transmigration of souls.

Unfortunately for us, these guys are more interested in some of the other peculiarities of this religion. Specifically, the belief of postmortem punishment for certain transgressions committed during life. They belief that they’re angels, sent by the minor god of death, Thanatos, to kill people so that they can be punished for whatever bad stuff they did in life. They also believe that Thanatos speaks to them through some sort of… Beast, I think it was.

Have I mentioned my crappy luck lately?

We haven’t figured out where they’re located, but that’s my next goal. I’m starting to doubt that it’s predominate to Japan, but I’ve been surprised before. I just hope we find them soon, as this is starting to get on my nerves.

However, I do believe that I managed to convince Sten that I know what I’m doing, with out giving anything away. He seems to be the only one that was convinced I was just a silly little girl playing super hero or whatever. Alistair told me he’s just hard to impress. Why does that sound familiar…

Anyway, not much else going on. Lots of running, hiding, and laying low. I’ve been trying to not eat so much, but with how much I’m using my power… It’s really hard. I’ve already pushed my power to it’s limits… It’s funny, in a sense. When you’re used to moving faster than everyone else, you forget what it’s like to move normally, because fast becomes normal for you.

There is one interesting thing I should probably note though. I’ve had to start wearing Leliana’s clothes, because mine don’t fit anymore. The hems are pretty short, and my jeans won’t even zip up anymore. And… I think I’m getting boobs. My bra, which was a little big to start with, is getting pretty snug. This is a problem, because it means my X suit doesn’t fit either. And I don’t know what the word careful means… I suppose I need to learn it, and not do things that could get me hurt.

This is going to be hard.

Day 49: Muzik

After two more days of running, and one more day of rest, I do believe I can form a solid opinion of my new friends.

They are at least as crazy as the Hellions, if not more. And I’ve found that crazy is a trait I’m fond of.

Of course, these Night Horde guys are crazy as well. But not in a way I like. Not at all. It’s hard to tell if its me or Alistair that they’re after, but they’re after one of us. It’s not a situation I really like, but I can’t do anything about it.

They, much like the Hellions, have their own incredibly distinct personalities. Alistair… He seems to be the group smart ass, but steadfast in his beliefs, and, as this seems to be a common trait shared between them, willing to do what it takes to get the job done. Also, disturbingly enough, he reminds me of myself. We don’t get along very well, but at the same time, we do. It really confuses me. His X Gene gave him some… interesting powers, like the ability to clear areas and people of certain effects, though I’m not sure on all of them. And… I hate to say this, but he’s got the body of a god… And he’s only a year or so older than me… But we still don’t/do get along…

Anyway.

Leliana is like an odd mix of Nicole and Lee. She loves fashion and gossip. And religious items… Especially crosses and the like. I haven’t figured out what exactly her power is, but she’s an incredibly gifted archer. And lock picker. And a lot of other thief-y type things. She’s about 19 or 20, but she’s like the older, more fashion conscious sister I never had. She’s also the one who told me my jeans were looking a bit snug… Which they are, but I really don’t think it’s anything to worry about. Probably just extra muscle.

Wynne is very grandmotherly, and definitely the oldest member of this group. Though, I think whatever she may have been through in her life may have aged her more than time actually did. However, she is a most effective healer. Which I’ll admit selfishly is good for me, because I’m still as accident prone as ever. She has mentioned that she can do some other things besides heal, but they take more out of her, so she prefers to save them for emergencies. I don’t blame her, despite not knowing what they actually are.

Sten is last. I don’t have much to say about him. He’s big, mostly silent, and kind of scary. He doesn’t approve of me being with them, and thinks that Alistair should have left me. He also seems to think I have no clue what I’m doing. I haven’t told them about NERVE… Or Cerberus, or that I’m a Hellion. It’s still need to know. And I don’t think they need to know. Not yet, anyway.

But off of that. Alistair, Leliana and I did manage to sneak in a bit of fun, despite the obvious danger involved with us being in the open. We went to a club, and it was… It was probably the most relaxing thing I’ve done besides write…

And I owned the dance floor.

I think it surprised the other two a little, as I’m the first to admit that I’m a bit clumsy in battle, and my normal movements aren’t all that graceful. But let me watch people dance for a few. Then let me out on the dance floor. I excel there. I wish I could do that normally, but unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.

We move again in the morning though. I haven’t figured out how they did it, but Wynne and Sten managed to get a car for us. I’ve been avoiding calling Owen, as I don’t want to leave a paper trail. Right now, under the radar is better. I won’t be driving, however. Tomorrow, I’ll be spending most of my time trying to dig up as much information as I can on the Night Horde, with a little help from Alex, of course. I doubt I’ll be able to do this on my own.

Day 45: Bad Company

I had no idea it was even remotely possible to get in as much trouble as I have in the past three days.

And I blame it all on you, Alistair.

I left Tokyo a few days ago, after having spent a little over a week at Tokyo X. I was kind of sad to go, because once you get past all of the crazy stuff that’s always going on in Japan, it’s really kind of nice there. I got to see more of it than I did on my past two visits, which is why I can make that claim.

I decided though, for whatever reason, to explore more of Japan, so I headed south toward Osaka. It was a little tough, because I speak no Japanese, and after that one encounter with Kai’s grandmother, I don’t even dare say thank you until I have no accent and can prove I’ve got a little Japanese in me. However, I did get a English map from Pluto, (who I still have no clue what to call, so I’ll just keep on referring to her as Pluto until I do figure it out) and at some point… I think it was while I was trying to get on the train and couldn’t figure out which Yen was which, I picked up a guide; a very nice Japanese boy who goes by Taka. It’s short for Takahiro, but he prefers Taka, which is good, because Takahiro is a mouth full when you’re used to names that are only a syllable or two long.

But so, after an agonizing hour and a half of sitting mostly still, I made it to Osaka. Honestly I could have made it there faster on my own two feet, but since I’m not technically a Japanese citizen, it really wouldn’t be the smartest thing to do. Of course, it was a good thing, because then I wouldn’t have met Taka, and had someone who could translate for me. He was visiting family in Osaka, and offered to see if they would let me stay with them as well, but I declined. I get the feeling that he might have had some sort of vague interest in me, but who knows. Also, I didn’t want to make his family suffer my overly ridiculous eating habits.

Something felt… off, as I was looking for the hotel I’d looked up earlier in the day. At the time, I had no idea, but I was being stalked. Looking back on it, I’m not sure if it was a blessing or not, but what’s done is done, and yes Alistair, since I know you’re looking over my shoulder watching me type this now, you did in fact save my life.

Anyway, I checked in and everything, but things still felt off. It wasn’t really the people, but the overall atmosphere of the area. Last I heard, Osaka wasn’t supposed to be creepy or anything like that, but maybe I wasn’t paying enough attention or something.  Who knows. Got to my room, and the creepy factor went up like, tenfold. I was starting to wonder if I’d attracted the attention of some creeper who’s X Gene gave them the power of invisibility, and wanted to off me.

I wasn’t very far off.

Turns out, it was just a creeper who had some sort of device that made him invisible. Yeah. My luck. But, to make it even better, I was said creepers victim of the week.

Or would have been, if Alistair hadn’t been wandering down the hall at that moment. From what I gathered, the idiot wasn’t quite smart enough to leave the device on, and Alistair recognized him as the guy they’d been looking for as he was wandering up the hallway. I may have crap for luck, but something interesting always comes out of it.

Needless to say, the creep isn’t part of the living anymore, and from what Alistair has told me about what he does to his victims… I’m pretty sure even Lee wouldn’t have a problem with him being dead. Besides, he and his group do things a little differently. With them, it’s do what you have to do to get the job done.

Oh, I probably forgot to mention this, but Alistair and his gang are all mutants. Incredibly skilled one’s at that. They call themselves the Grey Wardens, which is kind of cool, but not as cool (or hard) as being a Hellion. But I bet they could be some help…

Getting back on topic though. Alistair saved me from the crazy creeper, and then proceeded to tell me that I couldn’t stay here because the Japanese police were going to be all over this place as soon as they found the body, and having blood all over the carpet of my room wasn’t going to look good for me.

Keeping all of my smart ass remarks to myself, I followed him over several door to where he and his companions were staying. I figured if he wanted to kill me, he’d have already done it. Of course, I still had no idea what I was getting myself into, but at this point, it was unavoidable.

There were quick introductions, in which I got to meet everyone else. Lelianna, Wynne, and Sten. Of course, once they found out what was going on, it was a flurry of activity in which everyone packed up their stuff, which wasn’t much, surprisingly, and then we were on the move.

To paraphrase what’s happened from there, apparently the creeper was part of a group called the Night Horde, and Alistair killing one of their members apparently stirred up an ant hill full of angry red ants. So we’ve been on the run for three days, trying to outrun these guys. None of us have really slept, and Alex thinks I’m more amusing when I haven’t slept. I don’t see it though.

Sorry, beloved log of my thoughts, but I think I’m going to ditch you for sleep, even if I am worried about the bed eating me alive. It’s something you gotta worry about in the cheapest motel you can find in Kyoto. I’m still trying to figure out how we got here in three days… It’s not that far from Osaka… but yeah… Sleep now, think later.

Day 31: Confidence

Today, I talked to Pluto.

Yes, I was still scared. I was afraid she would be mad at me for the whole David thing, but I don’t think mad would be the word to describe the feeling I got. Disappointed would be a better word. She also understands that I’m still young, and have to make mistakes in order to learn anything. Of course… That seems to be the only way I learn, it seems.

I also said thank you. I think she was a little surprised. But… I can’t imagine many people saying thank you for what she does. I don’t think she expects it though. Just like we, the Hellions, don’t expect it. We’re doing something that has to be done, and we’re just about the only one’s who can do it. I wasn’t expecting Cj’s bizarre thank you in the form of motorcycle parts. I did what I did because I think I was the only one she trusted enough to do it… Or wasn’t aware that Alex could probably have done it better than I could. But… It felt kind of nice, in a way, even though she and I don’t get along very well.

But, the most important thing that came out of all of this was the topic was the one I was most hesitant to even bring up. As I’ve mentioned before, I want to have a relationship with her, I just… wasn’t sure if it was even appropriate. I mean, I could be reminding her of things she doesn’t want to remember, or just isn’t interested at all. But, as I’ve learned, you can’t know unless you try.

So I did. I asked her if there was any remote chance that we could have some sort of relationship, whether it was just her as my mentor of sorts, or an actual ‘Hey-we’re-related-by-blood-and-I-not-only-acknowledge-that-but-want-to-actually-get-to-know-you,’ type deal. Those weren’t my exact words, and there was probably a hell of a lot of stuttering, something I haven’t done since I was seven, but you get the idea.

Of course, after the chat I had with my mother almost a month before hand, I wasn’t expecting the warm answer I got. Part of me was almost expecting her to push me away, to tell me that I wasn’t worth it. But then again, that doesn’t seem to be her style. She seems to be more the type to just decline politely. That wasn’t the case here.

She didn’t hug me, which I expected, because the hyper emotional state she was in the last time I saw her doesn’t seem to be her norm, but her eyes lit up in a way that reassured me I hadn’t asked the wrong question. There was a distinct lack of questions along the lines of ‘Are you sure this is what you want?’ I get the feeling she knew that I wouldn’t have brought it up if I wasn’t sure. There was one thing she said that surprised me though. She mentioned it as I was telling her how long I was planning on staying in Tokyo, which originally was only going to be a day or so, but is now looking like a week or so.

“Before you make any final plans, I want to make sure you know something.”

I was only a little confused, but nodded, and let her continue.

“There are many people out there, who, if they found out the connection between you and I, would likely try to use you against me.”

“I know. I figured this would be a kind of quiet thing, not something I tell everyone… Just those who need to know.”

She nodded. “Choose who you tell carefully.”

I nodded in response. Right now, everyone who needs to know, knows. I figure I’ll keep it that way, unless something happens to change that.

I was offered a guest room at Tokyo X, and took it. Mostly because I feel comfortable here. I haven’t really interacted with anyone, but Tokyo is intimidating, to say the least. There’s so many people, it feels like you could loose yourself. Not so much here. It’s much less crowded, and much more quiet. Quiet is what I’m getting used to. It gives me time to think, reflect, and occasionally, find out something about myself I didn’t know before.

Maybe I’ll find out some new things about myself, maybe not. We’ll see.

Day 30: All I Ever Wanted

For some reason, talking to Pluto seems to be the scariest thing ever right now. I have absolutely no idea why, but it is. Maybe it’s because she’s the grandmother I never knew I had? Or maybe it’s because I’m afraid I’m not good enough for her.

It’s ridiculous, I know, but there’s a part of me that thinks that. I mess up more often than not, but it’s not like I do it on purpose. It just… Happens. And when it does, I let people down.

But at the same time, I want to talk to her. I have this… Need to know more about where I come from. I want to have some sort of relationship with her, even if it’s just an acknowledgment that yes, I am genetically related to her. I could be content with that.

And I want to tell her thank you. For saving David. I have a feeling that if she and Alex hadn’t shown up when they did, he would be dead now. I owe her a lot for that… And saying thank you is really the least I could do.

But I have no idea to say it. I guess I’d better figure it out fast, because I’m on a plane to Japan right now. With a promise to go back to Besaid before I go back to the White Tower. I talked with Master Roshi, and with the promise to take lessons from him, and many apologies for not listening to him, I got him to agree to train David. I did learn a little yesterday, and I’m planning to implement it the next time I get in a fight. Hopefully I’m not on my own though, because Master Roshi is right… I really suck at Martial Arts.

Day 27: Stand in the Rain

Today, when I woke up, I realized I felt better than I had in a month. Upon going to wash my face after breakfast, I saw that I looked better too. This is encouraging. I no longer look like… Actually, I’m hesitant to use this word, as it means a lot of different things, but… I no longer look like a hot mess. I have some color back in my complexion, and all the weird urges for potions have died down. I’m glad though. It’ll make it easier to talk to Pluto. I have a lot I want to say and talk about… I’m just not sure how to say it all. I think that’s why I’ve been procrastinating on it.

But, I decided that since I was feeling better, I’d have the other talk I’ve been meaning to have with David. It just… Felt like the right time.

That doesn’t mean that David wasn’t upset.

I managed to catch him while Rosie was sleeping. Knowing that this had the potential to get loud, I suggested going outside for a while. As soon as the words left my mouth, he got the expression he gets when he’s got a hunch that Alex and I had done something we shouldn’t have. This wasn’t a good start.

He had pestered me off and on for an explanation about all that had happened in Venturas, and why I’d gotten him, but not myself, out of there when I did. I’d been skirting the issue, partly because it felt like the potion addiction was getting worse instead of better, and partly because I just wasn’t ready to face it like I knew I had to. But now, no more beating around the bush.

I told him everything. From the moment I’d left the apartment, to the road trip back to Boston, and ending with the meeting with Emma. I didn’t leave much out, only leaving out the part about seeing Bryan naked, confessing to Bryan that I had a crush on him, and the fact that I wanted nothing more than to destroy C.J.’s computerized brain with my fist, but didn’t because Bryan, and likely everyone else, would be mad at me. Jealousy doesn’t become me.

He remained silent until I finished. He was quiet for a few minutes after I finished. “Why are you doing this, Ro?” He finally asked. “What do you really have to gain by fighting a fight that was never yours to start with?”

Honestly, I should have expected that out of him. But part of me hoped he would have understood. Now I had to explain what I can barely understand myself.

“It is my fight, David. Whether or not I wanted it, it is mine. It has been, from the moment Alex was shot onward. But… I’m fighting because I have things I need to protect. I have nothing to gain…. And everything to loose. I chose to fight… Because I’m one of the few that can. There’s lots of other mutants, in lots of places, but most of them have powers that only do small things… Or think that their powers only do small things. I thought that about my power. And to be honest, up until February, I was scared of my power. I didn’t know what I was capable of. But I do now. And knowing what humanity is capable of doing… I can’t step down. I can’t…”

David was quiet again, then nodded. “I want to help you.”

I swallowed. This was the part I knew I wasn’t going to like. “I know you do. We all do, even Emma. But…”

“But what?”

“I… I don’t know what you can do… After Tommy tried to use you as leverage against me… I’m… Terrified it’s going to happen again.” At this point, I could feel the waterworks coming, and fought desperately to stop them. I make it a point not to cry, especially not in front of my brothers. But Cassie was right. I can’t keep doing this on my own. On my own, I’m not enough.

“You know… I did learn a few things during my stay with Roshi.”

My brain blue-screened at that. “Like… Martial Arts?” I finally managed to get out after a few moments.

He nodded, and I couldn’t help it. The gears started turning in my head, and vaguely, I heard Alex cackle in the back of my head. “How good are you at it? How much have you picked up?”

David shrugged. “He didn’t call me hopeless, so I assume I’m alright at it… And I only picked up a few things. I wasn’t exactly in the greatest shape, Ro.”

“I know… But this… This could… I could get you in with this. You’ll need more training, that’s for sure… But… Would you be willing to keep learning?”

He nodded again, and I all but glomped him. “I know this is asking a lot, but you have to learn as much as possible… Be as good as possible. Emma’s only taking the best. I’m in because I’m… Well, I’m a Hellion, though I‘m not sure what she really sees in me to let me stay around. I’m… Still not even sure what I’m good for, really.

“Alex is in because he’s intelligent. But you knew that… I don’t know what we’ll do about Rosie, but chances are, if you can get in, you can keep her safe, and she can be taught self defense once she’s old enough…” I trailed off, lost in my own thoughts and Alex’s evil cackling.

“You’ll figure it out Ro. You always do, even if don’t always realize it. Just promise me something.”

“What?”

“Promise me you’ll always come back.”

“I will. I promise.”

I just wish that was a promise I knew I could keep.